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� In this diary, I record my life as a transvestite. Perhaps it will help somebody else, who finds their lifestyle doesn't quite match that endorsed by the 'tranny mafia'. Well, I've been there... and survived. The debriefing starts here.

�loves: All kinds of stuff that society thinks I shouldn't.

�hates: Microsoft. Obviously.

�reads:
secret-motel
artgnome
enfinblue
stepfordtart
ten-oclock
boombasticat
lawliiet
annanotbob
fifidellabon
my-serenade

Lynn Jones
Becky
Samantha

About the house
8:21 p.m. -- 2009-05-03

I'm your worst nightmare: a transvestite with power tools.

Well, okay... I don't actually mix the two activities together, because that would be scary. Do-It-Yourself is just about the most dangerous thing you'll ever do at home (unless you're really kinky) and I'd like to avoid having to present myself at Accident and Emergency in fishnets, if at all possible.

But I felt the need to say something about how I've been spending my weekend, and I've been being useful around the place.

Drilling, mostly.

Back when we were choosing tiles for our bathroom, I was advised not to go for real Travertine. Being a thinly-sliced sedimentary rock, it's actually somewhat porous... which means the first time you spill a glass of red wine in the bathroom (we drink a lot of wine in the bath) you'll stain it. So I got the next best thing: fake Travertine. It looks pretty good, but it's made in a factory, rather than by Mother Nature. Only the trouble is, bonded ceramic tiles are what they use in bullet-proof vests, aren't they?

It took me an hour to drill the first two small holes. (With earplugs in, taking a chance and using the 'hammer' setting.) I had to keep pausing to let the drill cool down. Anyway, we now have some bathroom fittings in place... two years late. Phew!

I also fitted blinds to our Velux windows. At last! No more waking up at sunrise! Since they're located ludicrously high up and I didn't want to be messing around with long poles, I opted for remote-controlled ones. You press a button on a 'thingy' like a TV remote and they crawl up or down, as required. I really love the fact that they're recharged by solar energy. I wanted 'proper' solar cells on the roof to provide some of our power, but we can't really afford them yet. Maybe one day!

I also did a little gardening, and tomorrow I intend to add some extra insulation in the loft. Not because we need it, but because we have some surplus kicking about, and it itches like a bastard. The sooner I get it squared away under the floor, where I won't brush past it ever again, the better.

Speaking of itching like a bastard, we just got back from a walk in the countryside. A walker's dog came bounding up to me, and excitedly licked my arm. I love dogs, so I gave him some fuss, and didn't think anything of it. Ten minutes later, my arm had gone all red and puffy, just where the canine saliva had been deposited. Arrgh! Not comfortable!

Since I got home and washed, it's receded. Just looks like I've brushed through some nettles now. But... what on Earth do they put in doggy spit?

Yesterday I tried to buy some Fimo, to do a sculpture that I've had in mind for some time, but the shop I went to didn't have any in black. I'm thinking it's going to cost an absolute fortune, anyway. Maybe I should find a more 'grown up' medium, that's affordable in quantity. Car body filler? No... too sticky. Plaster's not strong enough... Cement doesn't really support its own weight well enough, and 'proper' clay requires all that tedious firing. Any ideas? Buggrit. Twenty quid's worth of Fimo, if necessary.

Even with my trademark technique (scrunched-up aluminium foil over bent wire core), it's going to need a fair bit... but I couldn't get any, so it'll have to wait. I wonder if one can buy in bulk?

Also, I'm going to need some oven cleaner... or my Fimo sculpture will smell of roast chicken, which would be just weird. I intend for it to go in the garden, and I don't want foxes licking it, or something.

Enough, for now. Although I should mention that it's also a very loved-up weekend. We had Champagne at breakfast today...

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