Ceteris Paribus
8:48 a.m. -- 2008-07-03
Who would I be, if I was a girl?
Sex is determined at the moment of conception. It's a roll of a cosmic die, somewhere. More precisely, male mammals produce equal quantities of two kinds of sperm; those with X chromosomes, and those with Y. If the sperm that fertilises an egg carries a 'Y', then (if the pregnancy goes full-term) a boy will be the result. We are all pre-programmed to be female, by default. About six weeks into a pregnancy, a gene called SRY becomes active, and starts influencing development. From that moment on, you carry your sex with you.
So... what if that long-distance swimming race (or the competition to burrow into the cytoplasm at the core of my egg) had been won by a different sperm?
Who can say?
Combining their DNA, two parents can produce 17,592,186,044,416 different zygotes, and with a little chromosomal crossover, the number of potential genetic combinations rises to 309,485,009,821,274,699,980,603,392. All I can tell you about that is that it's a Big Number.
In other words, you are just about unique. A different roll of the cosmic die, a different month, a different ejaculation... and you'd be somebody else. You can't want to change even one thing about your genetic self, because any change means you wouldn't exist. Thus, my wondering about what might have been is a purely intellectual exercise, with no basis in reality. "I" could only ever have been me, and the person I describe is somebody else. Still...
If I been born a girl, I would have been called Charlotte. My mum told me. Nowadays, sex can be determined by the fifth month of a pregnancy with ultrasound, so it's not necessary to have two different baby names on standby... but Charlotte might have turned up instead of me.
Anyway, who might Charlotte have been? If we conveniently forget the 309,485,009,821,274,699,980,603,392 combinations thing.
She would ultimately turn out to be quite tall and slim, with dark hair, pale skin and brown eyes. She'd have been raised (as I was) in a loving family environment. I think she'd have been a devoted admirer of her big sister. Growing up, she'd probably have been quite na�ve. Nobody in my family ever talked about sex, and I imagine any mother-daughter talks that took place would have been accompanied by toe-curling embarrassment.
Going to her big sister's girls' school, Charlotte would have had very little contact with males of her own age. They would have been fascinating but scary at the same time. Of course, she might have been chatted up by an outgoing male, since girls aren't expected to make the first move, so perhaps she'd have been more familiar with the opposite sex than I was at that stage.
Would Charlotte be heterosexual? Well, I think so. Even though I find the idea of making out with a male pretty disgusting... fantasies aside, I imagine that she'd have normal, mainstream desires. Probably a bit of unrequited love in there, somewhere, too. I wonder who for?
Charlotte would have enjoyed school, as I did. Unlike some of her classmates, she'd have enjoyed looking smart in a school uniform. She wouldn't have minded obeying most of the rules... most of the time. She'd have transgressed occasionally, but she'd never get caught. In her studies, she would have found some subjects required no effort at all... and as soon as possible she would have ditched the ones she found hard. Refusing careers advice in this regard: she'd be a strong-minded little tyke. In subjects that interested her, Charlotte would be top of the class. In others, she'd be bored, and would go unnoticed.
Would Charlotte still have had a good head for figures, and an unusually good grasp of spatial relations? Some studies suggest that women are less good at things like that. But I'm going to assume that she inherited my strengths and weaknesses. This means that when she moved on to university and thence into the workplace, she'd be a woman in a mans' world. I think she'd be a bit of an ice-queen at work, never letting business and pleasure mix. Simply because that could make life unnecessarily complicated. She'd be a feminist, but she'd enjoy looking her best. Her best would be quite a severe look, and she'd usually wear trousers rather than a skirt.
(I'm going to get thrown out of the National Union of Transvestites for that...)
Anyway, in her free time, Charlotte would have a hobby that's normally male-dominated. Maybe astronomy, amateur motor racing or something like that. It would amuse her to get lots of attention in a target-rich environment... but part of the 'game' would be to remain unattached. (And available, by implication.) Encountering an occasional sexist bigot, she would go out of her way to destroy him. Well, to prove she was better, more successful or more popular. She'd be very competitive, like that. In the same way, she'd be a very accomplished corporate in-fighter. Don't try to take the credit for her work, mister, or she'll make you look like an idiot in front of the board of directors.
With occasional bouts of cohabiting, Charlotte would have maintained her independence throughout her 20s, and would have sought to retain some independence in her 30s. Even with the right guy, she wouldn't have wanted to move things towards marriage too quickly, having seen too many other people get divorced. If married, she'd put off having children for as long as possible. Her friends' new baby-centric lives would bore her. Instead, she'd enjoy demonstrating a lifestyle that involved the finer things in life: a convertible, expensive wine, and lots of overseas holidays.
That's my girl.
Who would you be, ceteris paribus?
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