Confessions of a part-time girl

Out at home
10:10 p.m. -- 2008-06-23

So, you came out to your significant other? That was either very brave of you, or very selfish. It depends on a lot of factors. Not least of them: where do you go from here?

She knows at last. You can talk to somebody about your dressing. All those years of pent-up feelings can be expressed at last!

Telling your partner is a lot different to talking about your hobby/condition with a fellow transvestite in a chatroom or at a meeting. This is somebody who really doesn't understand. In fact, I haven't yet met a transvestite who can really, honestly and satisfactorily answer the BIG QUESTION, which is simply: 'Why?'

She might accept the new you, or express a desire to continue trying to understand... or she might not. There's only one thing that's certain at this stage: that you're going to be a bore. You'll talk about it for hours and hours, given half a chance.

In the days following your confession (or unfortunate caught-in-the-act moment) you'll be talking about cross-dressing a LOT. Communication is good, of course, but your poor wife or girlfriend has not only had the initial shock that you're not who she thought you were... she's now in a situation where it seems that her lover is going to talk about girlie stuff 24/7 from now on, given half a chance!

Give the poor thing a break, and try really hard to be the old you. Answer questions that are raised, but don't be a tranny-bore. I can only say that with hindsight, though. I was one. Perhaps it's inevitable. Still, I'd recommend being aware of what you're doing to the home environment.

So far, I've talked about the conversations you're likely to have, but what about the actual business of cross-dressing? If you were at all honest, you have just explained that this is something you're going to need to do from time to time. Scientific studies suggest you're never going to stop, so there's not a whole lot of point saying you will. It's your life, though!

Now, by this stage one possible scenario is that you're living on your own again, having been kicked out of the house (in which case you'll probably be dressing a great deal, reasoning that you might as well, since you've paid the price)...

Alternatively, you're hanging in there, and wondering about the circumstances under which you'll be dressing next. Maybe she's said she wants to meet your female persona. Maybe she's said she wants nothing at all to do with it: do it if you must, but get it out of your system on Tuesday nights while she's at evening classes. Maybe something in-between. I'll detail my own circumstances, as they developed at this stage, in my next post.

As with the discussions about your feelings, your motivation, your hopes... here, again, you need to show a great deal of empathy for your partner. You're suppposed to be more womanly than most men, yet in the days and weeks following your big confession, you'll probably be incredibly thoughtless and crass.

Beware the Tranny Ratchet. A ratchet advances a notch very readily, but it's much harder to make it move back down. You are likely to ratchet up the level to which your crossdressing intrudes upon the relationship... and you won't even know you're doing it.

Back when you used to dress in secret, opportunities for girly time were limited, and precious. They were also a little scary, because you could be discovered at any moment. The increaed heart-rate magnified the thrill as you prepared.

Once your wife or girlfriend knows, that's gone. After a brief feeling of enjoyment at how safe and secure you can be now, you may actually find things a little disappointing. In consequence, you might try to recapture that old 'buzz' by upping the ante. Come and see me while I'm dressed. Help me fix my hair? Take my photo in the back garden. Kiss me while I'm in makeup? Let's go for a walk...

This is transvestite heroin. Each new hit is terribly addictive, but each time, you'll want to push the envelope; test the boundaries. You ratchet things up, and she quietly re-examines all the assurances you gave... and concludes that you'll be asking for breast implants for Christmas.

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